Politics

Raging bulls and running chickens

September 11, 2013
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The Prime Minister likes to be in his seat early for PMQs. Ed Miliband likes to cut things a bit finer. With five minutes to go and Scotland questions drawing to their heated conclusion, Cameron was in his place—but Ed was nowhere to be seen. Does he prefer to stay in his office, swotting up as much as possible before joining the fray? Perhaps he enjoys the gentle sense of brinkmanship that taking things up to the line gives him. Or maybe he doesn’t like the Commons very much. Either way, it was only with a minute or so to spare that he took his place.

The PM started by reflecting on the anniversary of the 11th September attacks in New York city, during which, he reminded the house, 67 British people were killed. The opening question also concerned matters of mass slaughter—Syria—and the PM answered firmly, saying that he was determined to keep assistance flowing to help refugees, and that Britain would encourage other nations to redouble their efforts.

And then stood Ed. The fall in unemployment is welcome, he began, and at this the House emitted one of its long, low vowel sounds, hard to render in words, but which is formed of a smear of “errrs.” The sound lasted for some time before Miliband continued. He said that unemployment was still rising among the young and asked what the PM planned to do about it?

Cameron said he was pleased to hear the Leader of the Opposition speak so warmly of the fall in unemployment, but that there was still far to go, an addendum that drew enthusiastic nodding from the Chancellor of the Exchequer. The PM then read out a long list of numbers which he claimed were proof that the economy was heading in the right direction. He then attempted a conciliatory note, saying that Ed was “absolutely right to raise youth unemployment,” a remark with an unfortunate double meaning.

Then came the Miliband attack word of the day. In recent weeks, Labour have tried using “cavalier,” in attacking Cameron, but today the weapon of choice was “complacency.” Miliband accused him of “total complacency, total hubris,” in his comments about youth unemployment. Other Labour questions also used the term. How canny of Labour to stick to words beginning with the letter “c”—they have latched on to the headline-writers’ weakness for alliteration. Miliband also noted that employment in the north was much less rosy than in the south. This was a remark that felt freighted with significance. Will Labour start playing on not only the social unevenness of the recovery, but also its regional variation? A dangerous game.

In his next question, again Miliband lobbed “complacency” at Cameron, and asked, out of the 39 months during which he has been in office, how many of those months prices have been rising faster than wages. Cameron did not answer, instead taking a swipe at Ed Balls. Miliband returned to the Dispatch box to answer his own question, saying that the answer was one month only, and that bank bonuses, in contrast, had shot up 82 per cent. There then followed a beat, as it looked uncertain for a moment whether Miliband had anything to add.

Cameron jumped up. Miliband’s speeches are so poor, he bellowed, it’s hard to know when he’s finished; a cruel reference to his recent speech to the TUC in Bournemouth. The TUC reserved its applause on that occasion. “He went to Bournemouth, and he completely bottled it,” added the Prime Minister, in not especially prime ministerial language. His own benches loved it though, and “errrrrr”-ed their approval.

Ed said the Prime Minister knew very well that “people are worse off,” under this government. He quoted Michael Gove, the Children’s Secretary, who he claimed had recently suggested that people who visit food banks have only themselves to blame. Cameron replied with a standard broadside, saying that Labour had no policies, either domestic or international. Ed leaped back up, shouting that Gove was an “absolute disgrace,” and that Cameron was a “two-nation Prime Minister.” Cameron, not wanting to lose the battle of the sound bites, replied that Ed had gone to Bournemouth and “promised us Raging Bull—but we got Chicken Run,” a line dreamed up solely for the purpose of being featured in reports such as this. It was a low exchange.

There followed questions on youth unemployment, which were not really questions at all, so much as accusations that the PM was out of touch with the mood of the country. After a further jumble of statistics from the PM, aimed to prove that Britain’s economy was getting back on its feet, and a question from George Galloway, the Commons’s deranged pub bore, the session was concluded.

Nigel Evans MP stood up and in a personal statement told the Commons that he was resigning from his position of Deputy Speaker of the House. He is accused of indecent assault, sexual assault and rape in relation to seven men. He is standing down to fight these allegations, which he says are untrue.

The Speaker spoke after Evans, calling him “exemplary,” and a “loyal and hugely valued,” member of the team.