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Sir Humphrey, meet the hyper-critical diva

By Tom Chatfield  

The only way to start your day

Since Sunday, the papers have been delighting in a leaked 11-page document of instructions to minions whose choicer extracts run something like this:

Coffee/Lunch. I’m addicted to coffee. I like a cappuccino when I come in, an espresso at 3pm and soup at 12.30-1pm.

The room should be cleared before I arrive in the morning. I like the papers set out in the office before I get in. The white boards should be cleared.

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