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If I ruled the world

Time for some lessons in British history—from the French

By Chris Patten   May 2012

What do you mean, “If?” All its more extreme critics know that the BBC already rules the world. So as chairman of this Trotskyist conspiracy, sedulously dedicated to a Stakhanovite work plan to undermine western civilisation, my dominion is already assured.

But just in case you don’t buy this deranged version of events, let’s imagine that the “if” is for real, and that my dynasty doesn’t open its account until next Monday. What can you expect of Patten’s world rule?

An early capitulary will be issued from my south-west London bunker introducing a prohibitive tax on the ownership of Chelsea…

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