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Modern manners

Jeremy Clarke goes on holiday to New Zealand where he watches soaps and dices with death

By Jeremy Clarke   June 1996

Auckland, New Zealand. My itinerary said: “Make your way to the Air New Zealand counter where you will uplift your tickets.” Uplift my tickets? Were they very heavy, I wondered? But it would be ungrateful of me to complain about neologisms on my itinerary when everything on it was being paid for by someone else. And the tickets were first class, discretely stating that I am a Very Important Person.

So I was perfectly happy to uplift them, upheave them or suck them up on the end of a straw. I was easy. I’m on the gravy train. I move…

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