On the evening of 31st October—Halloween—my doorbell will ring, and on my doorstep there will be half a dozen children dressed in horror costumes, probably accompanied by a female adult, and they will all trill, “Trick or treat!”, tempting me to suggest a third option: that they all fuck off and I close the door.
Or perhaps I should sit the children down and tell them a story (I am CRB cleared, by the way). It would be about how every year, the big, bad Halloween monster attacks the beautiful fiery sprites of Bonfire Night, and how, if I ruled…
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