I’ve written before about why I enjoy roleplay bookings with my clients: about the escapism and absurdism I appreciate, and the variety they offer compared to my usual bookings. I also think roleplay has healing potential, as it offers the opportunity to act out or rewrite past events in life, from sexual trauma to taboo attraction.
Sometimes clients ask me for roleplays that might seem morally wrong to other people, especially when they don’t have the full context. For example, people are disturbed when they hear that I sometimes pretend to be a teenage girl who is seduced, asking me how I can possibly be comfortable with that. When I point out that my clients could choose to legally book an 18-year-old girl if they wanted, and instead book me, a woman in my thirties, they often reconsider. Furthermore, I explain that people’s journey into taboo roleplays are often more complex than we realise. A person may be seeking out a specific roleplay because they have been a victim of sexual abuse themselves and wish to relive that experience from a position of power. They may have a history that draws them towards particular power dynamics, or their sexual proclivities may have been developed through trauma or abuse. In such cases, roleplay can be a way to regain some autonomy. Regardless, if a roleplay brings both solace and release and hurts no one in the process, who are we to judge that?
I have spoken to women who find rapeplay, otherwise known as Consensual Non-Consent, freeing for the same reasons, either because it is addressing a spectre that we constantly live with or because it is allowing them to take control over an experience they had no control over at the time. Whilst I have enjoyed rapeplay with partners or clients I have an established relationship with, and trust between, I never found it altered my relationship with past assaults or lessened my fear of future assault. However, another kind of roleplay that I entered into unexpectedly, at the request of a different long-term regular, released me in ways I never predicted; acting out his fantasy of taboo sexual relations freed me from repeated nightmares I’d had for over a decade.
Recently, I had a roleplay booking that had a much sweeter context. A young man in his twenties asked me if I would dress as a girl from the sister school to the all-boys school he attended. He wanted to act out his high-school dream of losing his virginity to a girl there. He had never even kissed a girl before, and he wanted me to tie him up and “take advantage” of him, his fantasy having always been to be picked out and used by one of the popular girls on the bus they caught together. In reality, he remained ignored. Afterwards, he said the experience was “underwhelming” as he had expected to cum more times than he did, which made me laugh.
It was a fine example of how sometimes fantasies are best left in your imagination, as in real life they may never live up to what’s in your head. So often people bite off more than they can chew when it’s their first time, not knowing that it’s easier to achieve intimacy and orgasm when things are less elaborate to start with. The clients of mine with more complex fantasies have built those slowly over years of experimenting, rather than coming with a ready-made, one-size-fits-all concoction inspired by porn or, in this boy’s case, manga. One of the things I appreciate about specific roleplays is how well someone has come to know themselves and their desire. To me, these people have reckoned directly with what others may keep in the shadows, including trauma.
