“Good manners are the cornerstone of civilisation.” David Fisher/REX
If I ruled the world—and I have to admit I’m surprised and insulted that this is the first time it’s been suggested—I would enshrine in law one principle: that we should all mind our manners.
There’s a line in Tom Stoppard’s play Professional Foul that says: “The history of human calumny is largely a series of breaches of good manners.” It makes complete sense to me. Good manners are the cornerstone of civilisation.
I’m not talking about etiquette—knowing how to use a fruit knife and whether it’s OK to blow your nose in polite company. Etiquette is just the veneer of a civilised society; it makes it look polished but conceals what’s going on underneath. Indeed, I often think that etiquette is itself an example of bad manners—a codified way of making people feel ignorant and out of place.
Good manners are much more fundamental. They come from empathy and tolerance and respect, and if you allow those to be your guiding principles, you’ll make life a whole lot nicer for everyone around you.
Many societies tolerate the most egregious bad behaviour. Take religions, for example, spouting “thou shalt not kill” at the same time as encouraging people to bump off anyone with differing beliefs. Century after century of religious intolerance, wars, crusades, suicide bombings. It’s one thing trying to persuade someone of the error of their ways (though personally I think that’s pretty bloody cheeky too) but killing them over it—what could possibly be less polite?
For the record, I don’t give two hoots whether you believe in one god or 500 or none at all. When I’m in charge, and as long as you don’t impose it on anyone else, you’ll be free to believe whatever the hell you want without fear of persecution or ridicule (I’m looking at you, sneery atheists—let people be irrational if they want to. As long as they don’t foist their outré notions onto you.)
Likewise sexism: shouting comments about a woman’s breasts as you drive past her—in what universe can that possibly be acceptable? Leaving aside the fact that it’s threatening and reduces a human being to a set of discrete components awaiting your appraisal, it’s also downright rude. Wolf-whistling, cat-calling, grabbing, groping,…