I don’t want to buy a home
Dear Wilhemina My partner and I have been living in rented accommodation for almost ten years. We’ve spent time and money turning it into a place we are proud of. The rent is high, but we can afford it, and the location’s ideal. But now my partner says that we should stop renting and buy. I hate the very idea of owning property—politically, socially, and psychologically. But whenever I say this my partner tells me that I don’t want to grow up. What is so grown up about staying in one place and becoming a slave to a mortgage? Robert
Dear Robert Buying property can feel like buying into one big con, of contributing to a system that at best is speculative, at worse exploitative; perpetuating privilege and inequality. But let me make this simple for you, Peter Pan. You can opt out if a) you stand to inherit a lot of money; b) you have an extraordinary pension plan that none of us have ever heard of; c) you care not one iota about your standard of living when you retire. Owning a home is not a cast-iron guarantee of living well in old age, but it does mean you won’t be homeless. It’s also the easiest way to save; and whether you tie yourself to a mortgage or you force yourself to put considerable amounts of money aside, you need to do so. For many people a decent mortgage is the easiest way to do it, rather than paying—a lot—for the freedom to bail whenever you feel like it. Wilhemina
Our open-plan office is driving me crazy
Dear Wilhemina I have worked in a large government department for just under two years. I love my job, yet I’m seriously considering moving on because of the physical working conditions. I work in an open-plan office that was, it seems, designed for battery hens. Am I particularly sensitive, or are we all suffering in silence? And how do I resolve this? I can’t see myself asking for special treatment, but nor can I see myself working for much longer in these conditions. Louise W
Dear Louise W Given the state of most open-plan offices, it’s a miracle they don’t produce more homicides. If anything, such offices need to be designed far more thoroughly than conventional ones. They rarely are and, to add to that, an office designed for 20 people rapidly grows to 30, then 40—turning it into a messy, noisy, stressful place. For some professions open plan really makes sense, while for others it’s a cost-cutting measure masquerading as creativity enhancement. Evidence suggests that open-plan offices have shocking repercussions on health, blood pressure, levels of stress and overall employee wellbeing. One study by Queensland University of Technology posits that the modern open-plan office is the 21st-century equivalent of the Roman galley.
But take heart: the trend seems to be turning. There’s a growing recognition that perhaps the baby of common sense was thrown out with the bathwater of radical efficiency. As for you, if you love your job, it would be a shame to quit over this. How about asking for some flexibility to work from home? This is increasingly being accepted as more employees take work practices into their own hands. Even one day a week working from home could make all the difference. Also, you could make some constructive suggestions that don’t call into question the whole set-up, but address some of the main problems. Try creating an informal group to find practical ways of improving things—from more obvious rules of behaviour, to clean-up days, to practical and not too expensive suggestions for private spaces or portable handsets. Wilhemina
Do I have an eating disorder?
Dear W I’m struggling to deal with my relationship with food. I’m not really overweight—I think I have a few pounds to shed, but I don’t think I have a problem. Yet I have a constant slight worry that sometimes flares up, to the point of waking me up at night. I worry that I haven’t exercised enough and the fact that some of my clothes feel too tight. It can go on for weeks during which I feel miserable. At night I make all sorts of resolutions about not snacking, eating less, and so on. But during waking hours the worry evaporates and I don’t stick to any of my resolutions. I’m not sure what to call this. Is it an eating disorder? RB
Dear RB, Well, no, it’s not an eating disorder insofar as it doesn’t seem to affect your eating. From what you say, you’re not dieting or throwing up, you’re not playing with your food, obsessing about it, weighing it, or fetishising it in any way. Or in fact really drawing much real inference between the worrying about your weight and the food. My sense is that this isn’t about your weight, or even much about your body, but is in fact a kind of displacement. You say that this occasionally flares up—if you were to ask yourself what else is going on in your life at those moments you might find a pattern. Are these times when you feel attacked? Vulnerable? Out of control in one way or another? The way you describe yourself, as carrying a few extra pounds but no big deal, suggests that you see shaping your body as perfectly feasible. It’s time to ask yourself what you’re avoiding that seems beyond feasible. Wilhemina
Send your problems—in confidence—to wilhemina@prospect-magazine.co.uk
Dear Wilhemina My partner and I have been living in rented accommodation for almost ten years. We’ve spent time and money turning it into a place we are proud of. The rent is high, but we can afford it, and the location’s ideal. But now my partner says that we should stop renting and buy. I hate the very idea of owning property—politically, socially, and psychologically. But whenever I say this my partner tells me that I don’t want to grow up. What is so grown up about staying in one place and becoming a slave to a mortgage? Robert
Dear Robert Buying property can feel like buying into one big con, of contributing to a system that at best is speculative, at worse exploitative; perpetuating privilege and inequality. But let me make this simple for you, Peter Pan. You can opt out if a) you stand to inherit a lot of money; b) you have an extraordinary pension plan that none of us have ever heard of; c) you care not one iota about your standard of living when you retire. Owning a home is not a cast-iron guarantee of living well in old age, but it does mean you won’t be homeless. It’s also the easiest way to save; and whether you tie yourself to a mortgage or you force yourself to put considerable amounts of money aside, you need to do so. For many people a decent mortgage is the easiest way to do it, rather than paying—a lot—for the freedom to bail whenever you feel like it. Wilhemina
Our open-plan office is driving me crazy
Dear Wilhemina I have worked in a large government department for just under two years. I love my job, yet I’m seriously considering moving on because of the physical working conditions. I work in an open-plan office that was, it seems, designed for battery hens. Am I particularly sensitive, or are we all suffering in silence? And how do I resolve this? I can’t see myself asking for special treatment, but nor can I see myself working for much longer in these conditions. Louise W
Dear Louise W Given the state of most open-plan offices, it’s a miracle they don’t produce more homicides. If anything, such offices need to be designed far more thoroughly than conventional ones. They rarely are and, to add to that, an office designed for 20 people rapidly grows to 30, then 40—turning it into a messy, noisy, stressful place. For some professions open plan really makes sense, while for others it’s a cost-cutting measure masquerading as creativity enhancement. Evidence suggests that open-plan offices have shocking repercussions on health, blood pressure, levels of stress and overall employee wellbeing. One study by Queensland University of Technology posits that the modern open-plan office is the 21st-century equivalent of the Roman galley.
But take heart: the trend seems to be turning. There’s a growing recognition that perhaps the baby of common sense was thrown out with the bathwater of radical efficiency. As for you, if you love your job, it would be a shame to quit over this. How about asking for some flexibility to work from home? This is increasingly being accepted as more employees take work practices into their own hands. Even one day a week working from home could make all the difference. Also, you could make some constructive suggestions that don’t call into question the whole set-up, but address some of the main problems. Try creating an informal group to find practical ways of improving things—from more obvious rules of behaviour, to clean-up days, to practical and not too expensive suggestions for private spaces or portable handsets. Wilhemina
Do I have an eating disorder?
Dear W I’m struggling to deal with my relationship with food. I’m not really overweight—I think I have a few pounds to shed, but I don’t think I have a problem. Yet I have a constant slight worry that sometimes flares up, to the point of waking me up at night. I worry that I haven’t exercised enough and the fact that some of my clothes feel too tight. It can go on for weeks during which I feel miserable. At night I make all sorts of resolutions about not snacking, eating less, and so on. But during waking hours the worry evaporates and I don’t stick to any of my resolutions. I’m not sure what to call this. Is it an eating disorder? RB
Dear RB, Well, no, it’s not an eating disorder insofar as it doesn’t seem to affect your eating. From what you say, you’re not dieting or throwing up, you’re not playing with your food, obsessing about it, weighing it, or fetishising it in any way. Or in fact really drawing much real inference between the worrying about your weight and the food. My sense is that this isn’t about your weight, or even much about your body, but is in fact a kind of displacement. You say that this occasionally flares up—if you were to ask yourself what else is going on in your life at those moments you might find a pattern. Are these times when you feel attacked? Vulnerable? Out of control in one way or another? The way you describe yourself, as carrying a few extra pounds but no big deal, suggests that you see shaping your body as perfectly feasible. It’s time to ask yourself what you’re avoiding that seems beyond feasible. Wilhemina
Send your problems—in confidence—to wilhemina@prospect-magazine.co.uk
