They shall know His nameby David Sedaris / February 22, 2012 / Leave a comment
Published in March 2012 issue of Prospect Magazine
If I ruled the world the first thing I’d do is concede all power to the real King, who, in case you don’t happen to know is named Jesus Christ. A lot of people have managed to forget this lately, so the second thing I’d do is remind them of it. Not only would I bring back mandatory prayer in school, I’d also institute it at work. Then in skating rinks and airports. Wherever people live or do business, they shall know His name. Christ’s picture will go on all our money, and if you had your cheques specially printed with sail boats or shamrocks on them too bad for you because from here on out, the only images allowed will be of Him, or maybe of me reminding you of how important He is.
T-shirts with crosses and apostles on them will be allowed, but none of this nonsense you see nowadays, this one my neighbour has, for example, “Certified Sex Instructor,” it says. He claims he only wears it while mowing the lawn, but in the summer that’s once a week, which in my book is once a week too often. I mean, please, he’s seventy-two!