Morrissey has written a novel, List of the Lost. It is published today and is more or less exactly what you would expect from a man who once claimed he decided to "get [his] revenge on society" as a youth when someone knocked his Manchester United cap off his head.
Here, presented without comment, are its thirteen most "Morrissey" lines
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“I am a puzzle,” “I, a solution,” “I am flimsy,” “I am whimsy”
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“Humans… require novels, films, food, labor [sic], plays, magazines, pornography and castles in order to substitute for the urgings of the loins”
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“A trip to the local mall in search of strip plywood is to look suffering directly in the eyes”
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“Tracey finds the manly central issue too slight to grip, and although such things ought not to count in the adult mind, somehow they do yet they don’t yet they do yet they don’t”
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“What makes wild bluebells wild? And could they ever be tamed?”
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“All of the praise neatly fell to Churchill, who had at least kept his whispered dalliance with Ivor Novello under Calridge’s wraps”
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“I don’t know anyone who plays golf, or Australian rugby. Why should I care?”
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“Their tax money funds atomic testing grounds in Nevada. They blow up live pigs imagining them to be Muslims. Affecting, isn’t it?”
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“Nature will only take so much bureaucratic bullying before it snaps a deadly snap… Watch, wait and listen, and soon you’ll be bitten”
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“His television flickers from commercial to commercial to commercial to commercial, advertising nothing at all that he would ever want or need, yet reminding him that he is nothing and that he will die in debt”
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“I thought the Nazis lost the war? Arrest the police!”
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“I once met an ill-tempered monarch in Europe, and I explained to him that I had no interest in the female form”
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“I am God’s design just as much as anyone else—I wasn’t created by Walt Disney… I’d be far more exciting if I had been”
