New York university requires all applicants from high school to answer the following question: "Are there any significant experiences you've had, or accomplishments you have realised, that have helped to define you as a person?" The admissions staff explain that the answer to this question will help them to "get to know you better." In what was either a shameless act of self-publicity or a deplorable breach of confidentiality, the reply of one applicant found its way into cyberspace, where, in the US, it has now acquired a mini-cult status:
"I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. I write award winning operas. I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook 30-minute brownies in 20 minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello. I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang-gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line in corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and won weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a travelling centrifugal force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis racquets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week, and when I do sleep I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are always paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but I forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have performed open heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis. But I have not yet gone to college."
The author was accepted by NYU -and, for all I know, will be writing this column and the rest of the magazine next month. Who said the nerds don't have a sense of humour?
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thanks are due to the Times Higher Educational Supplement for providing netspace for the proceedings of an extraordinary conference organised by the University of Arizona at Tucson. "Towards a Science of Consciousness" had 1,000 actual delegates and "thousands" of virtual ones who were able to follow the proceedings over the net in text and sound. This is an important breakthrough (although it might be no substitute for what I thought was the main point of conferences: going to the pub and making new friendships). The speeches were relayed in real time (that is techno-speak for "as they happened") thanks to a new piece of software called Real Audio Player, which you can buy on-line or pick up as a try-before-you-buy demo. There is a link for the software from the THES site at http://thesis. newsint. co.uk. I will not try to summarise the whole proceedings but it was helpful of the THES to provide novices with a guide to the different academic factions fighting for pole position in this area of enquiry (see also our own summary of the debate by AC Grayling on page 80). I was drawn to "the brain on a disc brigade" who asked the question: "Is the soul more than the hum of its parts?" Well is it? The "folk psychologists" went into battle declaring: "Yup, I'm conscious," whereas the faction known as "the mysterians" asked: "Why bother?" They were unrepresented at Tucson.
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euro news is starting to come in. Check out http://www2.cordis.lu for the lowdown on ten databases connected with the EU. It apparently contains over 148,000 documents. I'm looking forward to browsing through RTD Acronym-a handy guide to 5,650 known acronyms which are either in use within the EU or are in some other way connected to the work of the union. Please do not pass this information on to Teddy Taylor or Bill Cash.
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for those of you who have ever wondered about the history of Meccano, or need to know where to get the latest bits, look in at http:// www. users. dircon.co.uk/~erebecca. It's another cybermust! n
John Carr
You can contact the Net Position on: 100643.455@compuserve.com
