Praying for loutish Americans
The Ryder Cup at the end of September is eagerly awaited in Brussels. This is not because there are a huge number of golf fanatics at the commission. It is simply that this is the one occasion in which Europe competes as a team against the US. The emotions generated are most satisfactory for those seeking to "build Europe." First, there is that picture of the European team standing beneath the EU flag, while listening to the EU anthem (Beethoven's Ode to Joy, in case you'd forgotten). Then there is the inevitable bonding and anti-American feeling evoked by the competition. Last time around, after the Americans were deemed to have cavorted in an unseemly way after sinking a key putt, we witnessed the unusual sight of the Eurosceptic British press leading the condemnation of the Yanks, while praising the gentlemanly qualities of Spanish and German golfers. At the commission, they are praying for more truly oafish behaviour from the Americans.
Football and the euro
But if the Eurocrats love the Ryder Cup, they are faintly dreading next summer's football World Cup with the inevitable bitter clashes between European sides, and the unfraternal feelings these produce. At last December's fraught Nice summit, when the Portuguese felt they were being diddled by the French over some point, a Portuguese official remarked to your diarist-"we've had it up to here with the French after the semi-final of the European championships." (For non-aficionados, this was won by the French after a last minute and hotly disputed penalty.) More recently, I was at a Brussels dinner sitting next to a French commission official (a woman as it happens). Conversation turned to the epic 1982 World Cup semi-final between France and West Germany-when a wonderfully-talented French team was done down by some dogged German play and a horrific foul by the German goalie. Both my commission friend and I recalled the Schumacher foul with absolute clarity. She then surprised me by saying-"I think after that defeat it was inevitable that France would join the euro." She was joking. At least, I think she was.
Europe's game shows
If you want to get a feel for what unites and divides Europeans from Brussels you can go a lot of press conferences. But it might be just as useful to sit at home and watch television. Because of its polyglot population, the Brussels cable system offers channels from all around Europe. Hours of mindless channel-surfing by your diarist reveal that Europe is indeed united-by a taste for the same game shows. A few months ago, whatever channel you turned to seemed to be showing the local version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? with the same stage sets and a Chris Tarrant lookalike intoning-"is that your final answer?" in Flemish, French or whatever. At the moment, Europe is going through a craze for The Weakest Link-again the sets are identical to the British show, and all the hostesses are severe bitches, ? la Anne Robinson (see this month's "Previous Convictions" for an inside account).
Your friend Trotsky
October's European Union summit in Ghent in Belgium is being eagerly awaited by connoisseurs of the increasingly bizarre double-act between Jacques Chirac and Lionel Jospin. France's political arrangements ensure that both president and prime minister have to attend EU summits. This is an awkward situation at the best of times, but it is becoming ever more fraught as May's presidential election draws closer, since the two men will almost inevitably run against each other. Just to complicate matters further, they are both being dogged by political scandals at home: Chirac by a variety of corruption allegations; Jospin by the fact that he concealed his past as a Trotskyist activist.
The open sparring between the two presidential candidates is now spilling over into EU summits, much to the amusement of onlookers. One senior official present at the last summit in Gothenburg witnessed the following scene: Chirac and Jospin were sitting side by side, when a Swedish diplomat with a beard and little round glasses entered the room. Chirac to Jospin: "Look, there's a friend of yours." Jospin: "No, I've never met him." Chirac: "Come on, he's a friend of yours." Jospin (puzzled): "No, I don't recognise him." Chirac: "Of course you do, it's Trotsky."
Red rag to an anti-globaliser
It is not just European summits that threaten to generate riots. As I write, security officials are fretting about the meeting of lowly European finance ministers in Liège at the end of September. The omens for this are deemed to be a bit rocky, since the finance ministers will be discussing the Tobin tax on global financial transactions-an idea dear to the heart of every self-respecting anti-globaliser. However, the mother of all battles may not come until March when there will be a full-scale EU summit in Barcelona. Barcelona is sunny, easy to reach and has a long tradition of anarchism which currently makes it the HQ of the Spanish branch of the anti-globalisation movement. And the subject for the Barcelona summit-why, economic liberalisation of course. What better place than Spain in which to offer a red rag to a bull?
