MPs' expenses: A tempest in a teacup?
Dear Wilhemina
I am the wife of an MP (his constituency is in northern England) and I wanted to ask what you make of the witch hunt against MPs.
Our family's lifestyle is rather frugal—certainly far removed from the media images of opulence. I'm not sure whether these images are exaggerated, or if my husband and I are idiots who haven't figured out how to milk the system. I have been aware that abuse of expenses goes on—some of it serious, some of it trivial—but none of it warrants this much hatred.
You might think me old fashioned, but my own life and identity are wedded (in every sense) to that of my husband; I have invested my life in his profession, I feel as committed as he does to serving the constituency and so the smears that land on him land on me too. I am now quite angry at the turn that this has taken and wondered if you had some advice for a wife aggrieved by proxy?
Mrs MP
Dear Mrs MP
While I understand your outrage and respect your commitment to your husband's profession, I do think that you need to get things in perspective. No one is accusing you and while they may be accusing your husband—possibly just as a member of a group that is collectively under fire—there is a difference. You seem to be suggesting that whatever happens to him happens to you. But if the "MPness" is so shared, then you knew—I assume—how the system worked. Or did the old-fashioned aspects of your partnership translate into your not asking too many questions? Perhaps your outrage is partly you kicking yourself for not being prepared.
You're not the only one who needs perspective: we do too. Some MPs abused the system and it's no use saying that they were playing within the rules: many of them weren't, and they made those rules. But a glance at other countries (and I don't mean banana republics) suggests that our MPs are among the most scrupulous. I'm not saying they ain't misbehavin'… but as an Italian colleague put it recently, "we started getting excited by what was happening in Britain around expenses; then we looked at the figures and realised it was all a tempest in a tea cup." We may be losing sight of the tea cup, and you may be losing sight of yourself.
Wilhemina
Why can't they take my hijab at face value?
Dear Wilhemina
I'm a young Asian woman living in London. I don't feel more Muslim than British, or vice versa. I am a Londoner above all else. To me that means the freedom to believe in, say, eat and wear whatever I like. But it so happens that I am comfortable wearing a hijab. I don't wear it for particularly religious reasons, but rather for broad cultural ones. The reasons may be related, but this isn't about belief, it's about comfortable custom. (It's akin to the spirit in which western women used to wear gloves or hats when they left the house.) It certainly isn't an attempt to repudiate my femininity. In fact, I give into the trappings of modern femininity more than enough—high heels, lipstick and all that sort of pleasant silliness. Yet for some reason the hijab seems to trump everything else in other people's eyes and minds. Is it too much to expect others to take my hijab at face value?
M Zaman
Dear M Zaman
Your voice is so refreshingly secure and artless that I'm surprised you care about how others take your hijab. You seem to know why you wear it and, more importantly, it seems to provide you comfort and wellbeing. Shouldn't this be enough to dismiss what others might say or think? While non-hijab wearers can overestimate its significance, so too can young women, like you, underestimate the simple curiosity that it triggers. Sometimes this attention may be unwelcome, but in many cases it is no more than a way of taking in something different. In Britain the hijab is associated with a non-mainstream tradition so it's bound to prompt questions.
This will be less and less the case as young women like you tell women like me why they choose to wear it. I'm sure that some reasons may remain inexplicable (including to you). But your letter has enlightened me more than any sociology manual could.
Wilhemina
Miserable bastards
Dear Wilhemina
I was just reading in an old Guardian supplement that they might have found an optimism gene. This prompts two questions: are people like me who don't seem to have it doomed? And does this explain why so many people are such miserable bastards?
R Twachtmann
Dear R Twachtmann
It's scary to think that we're either hardwired for happiness or not. Although I have to say that this discovery has led me to be more indulgent to the miserable bastards I come into contact with; after all, it's not their fault. On the other hand this may be because I'm naturally hardwired to be optimistic. As I understand it, researchers have identified a gene which can affect your capacity to focus on the positive. Those who have this gene reap the benefits. The good news for everyone is that we're finding out how it works and can therefore try to compensate for it chemically (with serotonin). However, it may not be your genes making you miserable—it may be all the time spent reading old Guardian supplements.
Send your problems to wilhemina@prospect-magazine.co.uk
Dear Wilhemina
I am the wife of an MP (his constituency is in northern England) and I wanted to ask what you make of the witch hunt against MPs.
Our family's lifestyle is rather frugal—certainly far removed from the media images of opulence. I'm not sure whether these images are exaggerated, or if my husband and I are idiots who haven't figured out how to milk the system. I have been aware that abuse of expenses goes on—some of it serious, some of it trivial—but none of it warrants this much hatred.
You might think me old fashioned, but my own life and identity are wedded (in every sense) to that of my husband; I have invested my life in his profession, I feel as committed as he does to serving the constituency and so the smears that land on him land on me too. I am now quite angry at the turn that this has taken and wondered if you had some advice for a wife aggrieved by proxy?
Mrs MP
Dear Mrs MP
While I understand your outrage and respect your commitment to your husband's profession, I do think that you need to get things in perspective. No one is accusing you and while they may be accusing your husband—possibly just as a member of a group that is collectively under fire—there is a difference. You seem to be suggesting that whatever happens to him happens to you. But if the "MPness" is so shared, then you knew—I assume—how the system worked. Or did the old-fashioned aspects of your partnership translate into your not asking too many questions? Perhaps your outrage is partly you kicking yourself for not being prepared.
You're not the only one who needs perspective: we do too. Some MPs abused the system and it's no use saying that they were playing within the rules: many of them weren't, and they made those rules. But a glance at other countries (and I don't mean banana republics) suggests that our MPs are among the most scrupulous. I'm not saying they ain't misbehavin'… but as an Italian colleague put it recently, "we started getting excited by what was happening in Britain around expenses; then we looked at the figures and realised it was all a tempest in a tea cup." We may be losing sight of the tea cup, and you may be losing sight of yourself.
Wilhemina
Why can't they take my hijab at face value?
Dear Wilhemina
I'm a young Asian woman living in London. I don't feel more Muslim than British, or vice versa. I am a Londoner above all else. To me that means the freedom to believe in, say, eat and wear whatever I like. But it so happens that I am comfortable wearing a hijab. I don't wear it for particularly religious reasons, but rather for broad cultural ones. The reasons may be related, but this isn't about belief, it's about comfortable custom. (It's akin to the spirit in which western women used to wear gloves or hats when they left the house.) It certainly isn't an attempt to repudiate my femininity. In fact, I give into the trappings of modern femininity more than enough—high heels, lipstick and all that sort of pleasant silliness. Yet for some reason the hijab seems to trump everything else in other people's eyes and minds. Is it too much to expect others to take my hijab at face value?
M Zaman
Dear M Zaman
Your voice is so refreshingly secure and artless that I'm surprised you care about how others take your hijab. You seem to know why you wear it and, more importantly, it seems to provide you comfort and wellbeing. Shouldn't this be enough to dismiss what others might say or think? While non-hijab wearers can overestimate its significance, so too can young women, like you, underestimate the simple curiosity that it triggers. Sometimes this attention may be unwelcome, but in many cases it is no more than a way of taking in something different. In Britain the hijab is associated with a non-mainstream tradition so it's bound to prompt questions.
This will be less and less the case as young women like you tell women like me why they choose to wear it. I'm sure that some reasons may remain inexplicable (including to you). But your letter has enlightened me more than any sociology manual could.
Wilhemina
Miserable bastards
Dear Wilhemina
I was just reading in an old Guardian supplement that they might have found an optimism gene. This prompts two questions: are people like me who don't seem to have it doomed? And does this explain why so many people are such miserable bastards?
R Twachtmann
Dear R Twachtmann
It's scary to think that we're either hardwired for happiness or not. Although I have to say that this discovery has led me to be more indulgent to the miserable bastards I come into contact with; after all, it's not their fault. On the other hand this may be because I'm naturally hardwired to be optimistic. As I understand it, researchers have identified a gene which can affect your capacity to focus on the positive. Those who have this gene reap the benefits. The good news for everyone is that we're finding out how it works and can therefore try to compensate for it chemically (with serotonin). However, it may not be your genes making you miserable—it may be all the time spent reading old Guardian supplements.
Send your problems to wilhemina@prospect-magazine.co.uk
