There would be an end to compensation culture, a return to old-fashioned manners, and compulsory Latin
All magazines with a young readership would have to use adverbs, adjectives and subordinate clauses in their stories so that the young would be exposed to the beauty rather than just the functionality of language. Latin would be compulsory from 11 till 16 and classical Greek once more widely available. All television companies would be obliged to put on at intervals of no less than one a month an excellent play which had no serious swearing, explicit sex, drunkenness or estuary English. Children’s television presenters would be banned from ending every simple sentence with an interrogative note.
People who dropped litter would have to spend a week sweeping the streets and if they dropped it in the countryside, where it can be a menace to cattle, they would have to spend a week feeding cows and mucking out pig sties. Additionally they would have to write an essay entitled “Who is expected to pick up my litter?”
Prisoners would have to spend each weekday in education or employment rather than idling in their jails. The employment would be proper work supplied by real contractors for delivery to real customers so that we could pay real wages and from them take real deductions for upkeep of families, victim reparation and savings. Then not only would convicts get into the habit of an orderly working day, which is foreign territory to most of them, but also of an orderly distribution of earnings. Young offenders who stayed law-abiding for two years after release would have their records wiped clean and begin adult life with a fresh chance.
Public officials would have to tear up their rulebooks and operate on the basis of common sense. The compensation culture would be at an end. So if somebody turned over on his back and shot along a swimming pool, without having taken the most elementary precaution of working out where the end was, then not only would he be unable to sue the council but he would have to pay it for clearing up the mess his cracked head would cause.
If I ruled the world we would not play God with innocent life. The unborn child would be accorded as much respect and have the same rights as the child already born. Nobody would ever face euthanasia as a result of the opinion of somebody else.
The Equality and Human Rights Commission would be reduced to a twentieth of its size. Its work is largely done and it now spends too much time promoting grievance rather than dealing with real injustice.
People who honked car horns loudly and drive aggressively would be reduced to roller skates for a fortnight. Cyclists would have to obey the highway code instead of jumping red lights and weaving in and out of traffic.
All those who prefer old-fashioned manners would wear a small badge which would indicate to men that they could safely open doors, give up seats on public transport and offer help with carrying bags without the risk of a feminist tirade. These days I get that sort of treatment but why should I have had to wait until I became a little old lady?
Girls who were scantily clothed, drunk and incapable in city centres would be escorted home and curfewed for a month. That would save a lot of casual sex, false rape allegations and wasted time in A&E departments. Men and women who turned up in A&E drunk or drugged would be obliged to pay for their treatment.
Unless a man has severely assaulted his children there should be a presumption that he will have access to them following family break up and women who wilfully frustrated court orders would be given community service while the dad took the kids out.
And Britain would be free again. As long as we incited no violence, we could all speak our minds without worrying about political correctness and follow our consciences without risk of criminal proceedings. We would be proud of our Christian heritage without fear of offending other faiths, promote the family without being accused of scapegoating single parents or being homophobic, control immigration fairly but firmly without being accused of racism and speak the Queen’s English without worrying about snobbery.
Finally everybody in the Kingdom should have an opportunity to see its most beautiful parts: Dartmoor, the northwest Highlands, the Atlantic-pounded beaches of Cornwall, the Peaks and the Welsh valleys, to name but a few. How blessed we are and if I ruled the world we would all pause for at least five minutes every day to reflect on that simple, wonderful fact.